so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
