I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
