What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
