I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
