Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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