yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
