Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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