Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
