Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
