no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We left an ass print on the piano.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
