That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
