Plan B is the new Plan A
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
