Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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