My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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