how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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