Soap is not a condiment
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
