You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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