Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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