did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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