I'd wear matching sweaters with you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
