i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
