she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
