There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
