last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize