I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize