i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
