i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
