Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
