Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
