erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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