you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
