Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
