sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize