how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
