There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
