How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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