Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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