i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
