god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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