yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
