I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
