wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
