been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
