Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think people are normalizing furries
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
