You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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