he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
