i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
