White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
