i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
