it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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