I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm really into asian looking animals
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
