the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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