I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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