Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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