The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
