I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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