Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this boner is exhausting
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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