I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
