Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
