Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
