I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just gargled with NyQuil
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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